Grand Forks
First, a little background on my qualifications to say why Grand Forks, ND sucks. I lived there for two horrible years while I attended UND. I had to maneuver around that town to get to Wal-Mart or Taco Bell when the urge struck. I smelled the potatoes. I dealt with all of the people saying “Fargo Sucks.” When I asked why, all they came up with was, “Fargo Sucks.” Most of the people are morons. They have their movie theater box offices behind glass, as though someone would try and rob them. Pat Owens is from Grand Forks. As I get more specific, I think you’ll get a genuine hate for the worthless waste of a perfectly good spot for a landfill that is called Grand Forks, North Dakota.
But before I really begin to talk about the black hole of civilization that is Grand Forks, I want to make perfectly clear that I do NOT hate UND. UND is okay, it’s nothing special, but it isn’t all that bad. It has negative aspects to it as well as positive. It’s your average college. It has its drunken idiots living in Smith Hall. (Remember Smith Beach Party 2000 and SBP2K Revisited, Tim?) There are wide open spaces which are nice in the summer and look pretty in the brochure, but when it’s 20 below zero with a strong Northerly or Westerly wind, the green space becomes white space and your worst enemy.
One response I often got from residents of Grand Forks as to why it’s better than Fargo is that it had two Applebee’s Restaurants. Now Fargo also has two Applebee’s Restaurants, but I would like to note that Fargo has dozens more restaurants that Grand Forks doesn’t have. Listed below are nationally recognizable restaurants located in Fargo, but not in Grand Forks.
Fargo
Chili’s
Famous Dave’s
TGI Fridays
Bennigans (2)
Olive Garden
Outback
Timberlodge
Culver’s (2)
Krispy Kreme
Hooters
Lone Star Steakhouse
IHOP
I would include a list of nationally known restaurants that Grand Forks has that Fargo lacks, but I can’t think of any. If I forgot any from Fargo, or there are any in Grand Forks, send me an email.
Update - 9-19-03
I had mentioned earlier that I was going to discontinue this page due to my visit to Council Bluffs, IA this last summer. Council Bluffs you see is a town whose suckiness supercedes that of Grand Forks. Take the picture to the right for example. When you try to use a clichéd rhyme, get it right. Even though I only spent two days in Council Bluffs, I came to hate the place my Sister and her Husband lived for nearly a year. The only other time a saw a guy with a mullet driving an El Camino was on “Cops” one night. And to the parents that allowed their children to ride their Big Wheels around wearing only a diaper I say this, “What the hell is wrong with you???” Give you kid a damn shirt!
But due to recent events in and around Grand Forks (UND wanting to end the Bison/Sioux rivalry, and the Alerus Center asking for more money from the city for “promotional funds” just for example), I’ve decided to keep this page going. True, Grand Forks is not the worst place I’ve ever been to, but it certainly is number two. And since I live in such close proximity to land that would better serve as a landfill, I will continue to educate people on the awful state of Grand Forks, North Dakota.
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